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Title: Build Your Own ZPM
Author name: Icarus
Author email: email@example.com
Sub Category: Humor
Pairing: Rodney, Zelenka, John, Elizabeth, and Kavanagh
Summary: Major Sheppard has a bright idea at a briefing. "Why can't we just… make a ZPM?"
DISCLAIMER: The characters and universe contained in this story are Copyright MGM, Showtime, Gekko, Double Secret. No infringement on their copyright is implied. Copyright © 2006 All rights reserved. This story may not be reproduced in whole or part without the author's explicit permission. Ask, guys. I'm easy to reach and usually quite generous.
Author notes: Set in season one (obviously). Unbeta'd playful stuff.
"Why can't we just… make a ZPM?" Major Sheppard asked with a sigh of exasperation, pushing away from the conference table. Rodney was already rolling his eyes, while Dr. Zelenka dropped his head to his hands. "We've got smart people here and the entire Ancient database. They knew how to make them. There have to be some kind of schematics or something."
"Yes, we never thought of that, Major, thank you." Rodney folded his arms and tipped his head arrogantly. "Setting aside the length of time that would take – time which we don't have, I might add – it would help if we at least knew what they were called."
"ZPMs," Ford said.
"What the Ancients called them." Rodney gave Ford a withering glance.
"Or maybe something to that effect," John said, smiling, covering for Ford. "There must be some indication. Take crystal A and connect to ZPM B?"
"Not really…." Zelenka grumbled.
"It's a problem with the Ancient language," Elizabeth explained with a wry shrug. "The Ancients tended to drop nouns. It's very common in insular cultures."
"Yes. They call them 'units,'" Rodney interrupted. "Attach the unit, then connect the unit to the unit, and then start the unit."
John gave the scientists a puzzled frown. "Well, how do you make sense of that?"
"We use the time-honored formula of 'trial-and-error,' otherwise known as taking one's life into one's hands." Then Rodney tipped his head and conceded reluctantly, "Or rather, Kavanagh's life, whenever possible." Zelenka nodded.
Elizabeth gave them both a shocked stare, glancing between them.
"He runs faster," Zelenka explained hurriedly,
"And how." Rodney smirked.
John unfolded his arms from behind his head, sitting up. "Whoa, you guys aren't going to blow this place up are you?"
"No" Rodney pursed his lips and turned to Zelenka, frowning. "Or at least we haven't so far."
"There was that one time…." Zelenka snickered, shaking his head.
Rodney chuckled. "Oh yeah, I'm so grateful we found that switch."